Stroke these at your peril!
In 500BC the Chinese scholar Sun Tzu wrote his classic book, The Art of War. His work came to the attention of the Emperor of China who asked for a demonstration using 300 of his concubines. Accordingly, Sun Tzu lined them up in two companies of 150 each and attempted to put them through their paces. For some reason the girls found all this very amusing and repeatedly burst out laughing. They found it less amusing after Sun Tzu beheaded the two senior concubines. This was despite the pleas of the Emperor who was informed by Sun Tzu that having given him authority over the spectacle the Emperor had no jurisdiction in the matter! This display of cold blooded ruthlessness evidently made a considerable impression and Sun Tzu was put in charge of the army. It took some two thousand years for the west to catch up when Machiavelli wrote The Prince. Like the invention of the wheel it all seems pretty obvious stuff but until somebody took the trouble to write it all down nobody had realised that war, like all forms of human activity, is amenable to analysis. Anybody watching Hillary and Bill on their endless manoeuvres "OK - I'll play the long suffering wife and you appear contrite and sorry" will realise that the lessons have been well learned in some circles, at least.
Despite, or perhaps because of these scholarly works, Generals are notorious for re-fighting the last war. In the first World War they charged machine guns on horseback ( actually they got other poor suckers to do the charging - they weren't totally stupid ) and ignored tanks ( "the tank is all very well but there is no substitute for the well bred horse"). In the second World War they were using tanks but treated rockets with contempt. In Vietnam, the US thought they could fight a political guerrilla war with planes .... and so it goes on.
Here at the SNOTSYKIM think tank we have been asked by The Pentagon Top Bras to plan for the future and to think the unthinkable. The chances of a full scale war appear unlikely and we have planned on the basis of limited skirmishes anywhere in the world. The keynote is rapid response and thorough training.
The modern soldier needs to know that when she goes into battle she is well armed and well trained. Similarly her husband at home looking after the babies and the au pare needs to know that his wife is ready for anything. A vital part of battle is surprise and disguise. And what could be more surprising that to be suddenly attacked by a naked women painted to look like a couple of puppies? Whilst making up your mind whether to feed them, stroke them or take them for a walk - zap - it's all over.
Stroke these at your peril!
It's hard and dangerous work painting naked women but our highly trained volunteers are on the job night and day.
Rarin to go!
This little guy appears to be trying to go down the wrong chimney and what could be more confusing to an enemy than trying to work out whether to hang up his stocking or try to pull a Christmas cracker?
Confusion to our
enemies!
And what, precisely, is going on here? Whilst Jonny Foreigner is trying to work out whether to suck the strawberries or pluck one of the birds he's well and truly in the bag!
Suck or Pluck? 
And finally, what could be more likely to make our dastardly foe lay down his arms that the almighty dollar? Whilst he's struggling to get this nifty little greenback into his pants he'll be toast!
Just try to get
this into your pants ....!!
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