Thanks to the wonders of PHART* technology we are able to bring you a verbatim transcript of the first meeting between Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky at the Whitehouse.
President: Yea ... come in, its open
Monica: Mr President I ...
President: Well, my, my ..... come over here gal so I can see you better
Monica: Mr Pres .... well, anyway, I've brought the draft minutes of the Ways and Means Committee meeting ... it was at ten, ten O'Clock this ....
President: Amazing! D'you know what I was doin' at ten this morning, Gal? I was sat in ma bath playing with Mr Beefy
Monica: Mr Beefy .... is ... he a kinda duck?
President: I guess you could say something like .... say, gal, what's your name?
Monica: Monica, I ...
President: Monica! That sure is a pretty name, gal. Short for Harmonica I guess. You know what you do with a harmonica, gal? Well, I'll tell you. You blow it .... anybody ever blow you gal?
Monica: Err ... I ... anyway, look, I guess I'd better ..
President: What's the hurry, gal? Stay and play! Maybe get to know Mr Beefy a little better ..... HERE!! .... how do you like Mr Beefy ...
Monica: Jeeze ... I ... better be ..
President: The hell you will gal! Let me tell you somethin'. It aint what you know or who you know it's who you blow. You wanna make progress in this world, gal, then giving Mr Beefy here a good blow will improve your career prospects no end. Am I making myself clear, gal?
Monica: I , well , I never ..... its bigger than ..
President: He sure is! Mr Beefy's something ain't he?
Monica: But what about Hilary ... she ..?
President: You can blow Hilary later ... she's kinda partial to a nice piece'a pussy. Now wrap those ruby red lips of yours arround Mr B .... Jesus, who the fuck's that? Hold on .... right ya'll come in ...
Visitor: I .... oh, I didn't realise ..
President: That's OK preacher, we're always pleased to see a man of God .... you here for ...?
Visitor: Yes. For the monthly prayer meeting ... at 4.00 pm .... is she alright, I mean ... she ...
President: Huh? Oh, sure. She's on her knees waiting for you .... she's kinda very devout gal .... awaitin' the second coming ... so to speak
Visitor: Oh , I don't know if ...
* PHART Technology - Pubic Hair Audio Recording Technology. Pubic hair grows at the rate of about one tenth of an inch per day ( 2.54mm ). This is equivalent to 100,000 molecules per second. The bonding between molecules is slightly influenced by ambient pressure, especially in the frequency 100 to 5,000 Herz. Accordingly pubic hair can give a detailed sound recording over a period of several weeks. The above recording was recovered from a single hair .....
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