The
Temple of Clitoris
Thousands of years
ago the Phoenicians worshipped the clitoris. The Temple of
Clitoris is proud to continue that tradition
1. Combating
Ignorance
Despite almost a century of
universal education the average Western Male is still totally
ignorant about the clitoris. He neither knows what it is, where
it is or what to do with it if he accidentally stumbles across
one late at night in the dark (OK, OK. I know all my readers are
deeply sensitive caring men whose only concern is to please their
partner and do the washing up and clean the house and cook the
evening meal and take the dog for a walk and screw their
partner's best friend but let's face it there are many guys out
there who are less than totally committed New Men)
2. What is the
Clitoris and How do I get One?
The clitoris is a small bud
like formation ("make mine a bud") situated where the
top of the inner vaginal lips meet Normally it hides under a
small hood of skin but when sexually aroused it expands and
emerges blinking into the sunlight. It is a primary source of
erotic stimulation. Most women can attain orgasm by means of
gentle massage of the clitoral area. Biologically, it is directly
equivalent to the male penis. Indeed, for the first few months
after conception the genitalia of male and female foetuses appear
to be identical. It is this equivalence that is a direct cause of
much misunderstanding.
3. How big is the
Clitoris?
Not very. I have been
privileged to see the genitalia of literally dozens of women
whilst both sexually excited and quiescent. In my experience, the
vast majority of women have an excited clitoris glans (i.e. the
visible part of the clitoris at it's maximum size) of between one
eighth of an inch across to a maximum of three eighths of an inch
across (i.e. 3mm to 8mm across). This is demonstrated as follows.
Smallest when aroused - o
Largest when aroused - O
If you have a clitoris larger than this, don't worry. You will
make somebody very happy! Doubtless people reading this will have
come across numerous references to clitorises being an inch or
even two inches long. Except in extremely rare cases (by which I
mean one in many thousands) the claimant has mistaken the top of
the inner vaginal lips for the clitoris itself. I have only seen
a few undoctored photos of a clitoris more than half an inch
long. If you have one please send it to me! ( Since writing
the above I have seen quite a lot more photos of clitorises
larger than this - many of them of bodybuilders who have taken
steroids which have the side effect of enlarging the clitoris.
Bear in mind also that "1 in a 1,000" still means
100,000 women in the USA alone!)
See an Above Average sized clitoris. For the avoidance of doubt the actual clitoris is marked on the tip with a dot, immediately below the 'V'. Four out of five women have a clitoris smaller than this!
See a Big Clitoris that looks good enough to eat, unless you're allergic to peanuts .... one in 500?
See another Big Clitoris. My guess is that only one woman in 1000 has a clitoris as big as this. It belongs to HOLLY RYDER - well it used to anyway.
See a HUGE clitoris. My guess is that only one woman in 5,000 has a clitoris this big. In other words if you examined a new woman every day it would take you fifteen years or more to come across one like this - happy hunting!
See a Genuine Hermaphrodite Not for the squeamish!
See a Probably Fraudulent Hermaphrodite . I used to think this was genuine but now believe it to be a fake
See Fools Gold! In this picture the clitoris is not even visible but is hidden somewhere underneath the dot below the 'V'. Most claims of inch long clitorises are based upon this kind of misunderstanding
You want more PICTURES? Here's what to do
Open up Search Thingy with the Google box ticked
Input "Female Vacuum Pumping" Do it exactly as shown. Don't forget the quote marks and remember that there are two u's in Vacuum and no "e" at the end! ( really!)
Select the first site!
4. What to do with
the Clitoris?
In a word "stroke
it". The clitoris is there to be enjoyed so make the most of
it! The Protestant Churches with their obsession with sex have
long equated pleasure with sin. Even today, America and the UK
are sexually repressed countries where a loving act of
procreation is viewed as obscene whereas a picture of somebody
being killed is regarded as good clean fun.
5. Make that Clitoris
really Hum!
Here's something you can do at
home that's really exciting! Get a revolver and empty out
all the bullets except one. Spin the chamber and hand the gun to
your partner. Ask him to push the gun in your mouth or up your
ass and pull the trigger. You don't like the idea? Well, when you
let somebody fuck you in the mouth or up the ass without wearing
a condom you are taking an equivalent risk. (Vaginal Intercourse
is generally considered to be much less dangerous but why take
the risk?) The aids virus travels in semen or blood. Letting
somebody discharge a potentially deadly cargo into your body is
desperately dangerous. The man firing the gun is taking very
little risk - the person at the receiving end is. Sorry to con
you into reading this but it may just save your life.
6. How should I
stroke the Clitoris?
If the clitoris concerned is
yours then do what ever turns you on! Many women masturbate by
lying on their backs with one hand rubbing between their legs and
the other stroking one of their breasts. As orgasm approaches
they clench their legs together and tense every muscle in sight
(and quite a few not in sight).
Other women prefer to lie on their tummies, possibly with a
pillow between their legs. I have yet to meet a woman who
actually puts anything inside her vagina as a form of stimulation
(sorry fellows). I know that this act figures prominently in
erotic literature but most erotic literature is written by men
with lots of imagination and very little experience. Similarly
most dildos and vibrators are bought by men! The Shere Hite
report on female sexuality confirms my experience - I believe
they found that only about 5% of women use penetration during
masturbation. Mind you, maybe me and Shere are just hanging out
with the wrong kind of girls ... (Thinks: Is Shere Hite an
anagram?)
If the clitoris concerned does not belong to you then
experiment gently and carefully (having first obtained the
consent of the owner - not necessarily in writing
although you can't be too careful these days). Whatever you do,
don't just shove your finger up her vagina and then ask her if
she wants to fuck. The idea is to gently and carefully excite
your partner. At the same time it's not a bad idea to tell her
that you love her! You will know if you are succeeding as her
vaginal area will become slippery and her clitoris will expand
into a firm little bud. At the same time she will begin to groan
and writhe about - especially if you pay well. If you fancy the
idea (and I certainly do) then excite her clitoris with the tip
of your tongue. Whilst you are at it you can lick the entrance to
her vagina and anus and generally get the whole area nice and
slippery. At this point you can gently slide an experimental
finger into the entrance of her vagina (or even her anus). In my
experience most girls are shocked at anal contact but if well
lubricated and excited will only make a token show of resistance.
Don't assume from the latter, however, that she will take kindly
to your pride and joy being shoved up her arse (English
people don't have ass holes they have arse holes, thought you
would like to know that) - she is more likely to scream blue
murder.
At this point you can probably take her hand and gently place it
on your own pathetic little specimen if you can find it (only
kidding guys - I mean huge throbbing manhood). Whilst all this is
going on you should be enthusiastically sucking and licking her
nipples. In my experience, a girl who is having her nipples
sucked and an expert hand gently massaging her clitoris and
various entrances is a goner.
One last point. Never argue. If she says she doesn't want sex
with you, tell her, whilst gently licking her breasts, that
nothing was further from your mind - you were looking for a
deeper, more spiritual relationship with her. She will invariably
end up having sex with you. If, on the other hand, you reply
along the lines of "Why not, you had sex last week with John
Smith?" then you are a total oaf who deserves a quick smack
in the mouth and will probably get one. And not just from John
Smith. Happy rubbing!
7. Well, Fuck Me!(Added 26th Sept 98)
Spend 5 minutes
reading this - it will change your life and explain something
which is a mystery to 99% of the human race
Question
1: What drives the ultimate male
fantasy?
Answer 1: A huge desire to meet an endless stream
of good looking young women and fuck the ass off them!
Question 2: What can Mother Nature plant in men's
minds so that men produce the maximum
number of babies?
Answer 2: A huge desire to meet an endless stream
of good looking young women and fuck the ass off them!
Question
3: What drives the ultimate female
fantasy?
Answer 3: A huge desire to meet a strong, kind and
successful man and have an endless stream of his babies
Question 4: What can Mother Nature plant in women's
minds so that women produce the maximum
number of babies?
Answer 4: A huge desire to meet a strong, kind and
successful man and have an endless stream of his babies
Notice something
strange here? Yes, answers 1 & 2 and 3 & 4 are identical.
The basic sexual instincts of both men
and women are designed to maximise the number of babies. The
fundamental difference between men and
women is:
A
man can have hundreds of babies every year whereas a woman can
only have one.
For this reason,
men like fucking new women and women prefer to find one good
successful man and stick with him. This applies to 90% of the
human race (if you are one of the weird 10%, like me, please do not
write and tell me) For this reason, a man having
regular sex with a really gorgeous woman would much prefer to
have sex with her less good looking friend and will risk his life
to do it. That way two women may get pregnant as
opposed to one. Obviously, he doesn't want
the friend to get pregnant he just has an intense desire to fuck
a new woman! It's Mother Nature ( or God or Evolution - take your
pick) that has taken over his mind to do something which his
rational mind knows is crazy but his dick tells him is a good
idea. Look at how Monica and Bill behaved - it's all there
staring you in the face. He wanted sex with a new woman, she
wanted to marry him and have a baby. Did Bill think it was a good
idea to have sex with Monica? Like hell he did - poor lamb just
couldn't help himself.
Guys, please do not write and tell me
that you have no desire for babies but just like fucking. I am
talking about fundamental reasons - not
the way you feel. We eat because we feel hungry and enjoy it -
not because we are afraid of dying from starvation but the latter
is the fundamental driving force behind eating. Sex is the same -
fundamentally it is about babies (
boring, smelly and ugly though they may be).
Remember, if babies were born as a result of you sticking your
nose up a car's exhaust pipe then your nose would twitch at the
sight of a new car arriving in town (OK, so maybe it does anyway)
8. Interesting Links ( I will add more shortly )
The Clit Board! A group of guys who spend all day watching girl's trying to have orgasms - in most countries they would get locked up but in California they get paid for it
The low down on Cunnilingus ( no, not the Irish Airline)
9. Answers to Frequently Asked Questions About Me!
32
36C
Red but shaved
No, but you can see my ass close up
Green
Single
She runs a site called Large Natural Breasts and Nipples, which is almost as good as this one but funnier (at least, she thinks it is)
Both
Knightsbridge, London, England
Eurobond analyst
Dozens
Very
My nipples
On my back
No, you certainly can't - put it away
If you came here
looking for the delectable ROBERTA PEDON
please go to my sister's site Large Natural Breasts and Nipples where she is featured under
What do Breasts do all day? ( good
question )
