Here at SNOTSYKIMS we are proud to bring you the World's first interview with a pair of breasts, Brenda and Belinda.
Snotsy: Perhaps you could start by telling our readers something about yourself and your partner?
Brenda: Certainly Snotsy. Well, I'm Brenda and this is Belinda. Unfortunately we can't shake hands. We live in Miami, Florida with our host Meg who works as a teller in a local bank.
Snotsy: Perhaps you can tell us more of what it means to be a large pair of breasts in America today?
Brenda: Certainly. Firstly you need to be aware of the fundamental division in the breast world - between big and small breasts. Big breasts feel that small breasts have all the fun whilst small breasts feel that large breasts get all the attention.
Snotsy: Small breasts have all the fun ...?
Brenda: Yes. They get to play sport and they can dash around all over the place without restraint, so to speak. Whereas big breasts are terribly restricted in what they can do. They can't run for a bus or play any sort of sport which involves jumping around.
Snotsy: I see ...
Brenda: Yes. A big pair of breasts have no choice but to move very slowly. Of course I wasn't around in the 60's but big breasts shudder when they think of having to go bra-less .... terrible. I hope those awful times never return.
Snotsy: Well, I .... How do you see President Bill Clinton as standing on the breast front?
Brenda: I think he's a very firm supporter of big breasts.
Snotsy: Yes .... I should have asked you to give our readers a little more background ...
Brenda: Well, yes. We're a pair of 34 DD's. For your readers in other countries I should explain .... the "34" means that Meg measures 34 inches ( 86cm or 860mm) around her chest underneath her breasts. It has nothing to do with breast size. A woman could be 44 inches and be flat chested. The actual breast is measured by the cup size. "A" is so small you hardly need a bra. "B" is probably average "C" is pretty big. "D" is big and "DD" is very big without being ridiculous (See Cutting )
Snotsy: Thank you for clearing that up. I'm sure there is an enormous amount of misunderstanding on that front. So Meg is really very slim with big breasts. Presumably, as a pair of DD's without a bra you'd flop about?
Brenda: God yes. Let's not kid ourselves. A "big firm breast" is an oxymoron. Like military intelligence or industrial action it's a self contradictory term. Big tits flop. If you've never had close contact with a pair of big tits they're like plastic bags half full of warm water. They almost flow .....
Snotsy: Fascinating. Tell me. I notice that you're a right breast and your name begins with a "B" followed by an "r" and Belinda ....
Brenda: Yes, absolutely. Breasts and other body parts are very logically named.
Snotsy: Oh, I see ... other body parts ... ?
Brenda: Yes. There's Nellie and Nora, who're both nipples ....
Snotsy: Oh! Let me guess. Nellie is on the left and Norah is ...
Brenda: Absolutely. Then there's Cleo the clitoris and Vanessa the vagina and Annie the ...
Snotsy: Well. I'm not sure that our readers are ready for Annie yet! What about male body parts?
Brenda: Oh yes. Vanessa has a friend called Peter who quite often pops in and out. Sometimes he pops in to see Annie as well .....
Snotsy: I think we'd better return to breasts. I'm sure our readers aren't interested in hearing about what Peter and Annie get up to .... so anyway. Is Meg very pretty?
Brenda: Yes, she's gorgeous. She usually wears a low cut dress and Belinda and I sit there all on display .... sometimes it's hilarious. We had a guy come in last week ... to give him credit he was trying desperately not to look at us but he was getting very agitated and finally when he left he said "Give my love to Barbara" she's Meg's sister, only it came out as "bra-bra." He went absolutely scarlet. I think he was English ....
Snotsy: Yes. I'm afraid English people have desperate difficulty talking to people they don't really know. My mother used to cross the street to avoid talking to people, she was so shy. So how do you get on with each other? I mean you're cooped up together all day ... not to mention it being so hot and sweaty in Miami ...
Brenda: Well, occasionally we fall out and stop speaking but never for long. As for the heat, yes it is trying ... we get all hot and sticky ... but at the end of the day we all go home and Meg gives us a really long slow soaping in the shower.
Snotsy: You like being stroked?
Brenda: Oh yes. By the right people. Meg knows what we like of course and she's pretty fussy who she lets touch us ....
Snotsy: So she has boy friends?
Brenda: Oh yes! Belinda and I are famous in the bank. I think half the customers just come in to see us. We just love sitting there half out of her blouse, with Norah and Nellie peeping out through the material .... Meg gets lots of invitations ...
Snotsy: Tell me more ....!
Brenda: Well, it's always the same really. The guy picks her up and they go out and make polite conversation and he tries hard not to look at us but after a few drinks he can't help himself. At some point he starts stroking us through her blouse and Norah, Nellie and Cleo all get excited and stiff and Vanessa is almost wetting herself and Annie gets as nervous as hell .....
Snotsy: Well, yes. I think we'd better stop there. Thank you Brenda and Belinda. Oh, by the way, is there any chance of a photo ... to show my readers?
Brenda: It's been a pleasure. Well, there's this one ...
but I must emphasise that it wasn't taken in the bank
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