by
Saneetra Kim Harding
A lot of people keep writing
to ask about Old Fart. Those of you who have read his stories will know that he has a wild imagination and sees
himself as some kind of super-stud. The truth of the matter is
that he is just a cuddly old guy in a cardigan and slippers. He
spends a lot of time in the corner of my office on the sofa and
appears to live off coffee and biscuits ( cookies to our USA
reader - you OK Dave? ) Now prices being what they are, I've
started him on dog biscuits ( he can't tell the difference )
and I have to say he looks very well on it - in fact his coat is
positively glossy ( mind you it should be, he only bought it
in M & S a few years ago ).
When he's not writing dirty stories or trying to sniff my
knickers he interviews young hopefuls for parts in his next film
( I went to the mall a few weeks ago to see his last film but
when I got there the girl behind the counter in Boots said that
none of it had come out ) So anyway, I see these young girls
come tottering down the stairs with glazed looks on their faces
and occasionally I offer them a cup of tea and a sympathetic ear.
One of them,Tracey, a really sexy looking piece from Essex with
seriously big breasts, keeps coming back week after week and I
must say I was curious ... especially since I'd just been
counting the petty cash
Me: You OK, ducky?
Tracey: Oh, yes, milady
( I don't believe in formality )
Me: You interviewing
for a part then?
Tracey: Part? In what? Oh, right, yea ...
Me: So ... I see you a
lot ... I guess ...
Tracey: Oh, right, yea. I like seeing gentlemen friends like Mr
Fart ... he's a real nice old geyser, he reminds me of me
grandad, he had a way with the ladies too ..
Me: Right! Yes, I
suppose he does have a very persuasive tongue ...
Tracey: Persuasive!? You're not kidding! When he puts it up, it
sends shivers right down me spine ... my friend Karen says the
same, and she's very experienced with gentlemen friends
Me: Er ... yes. I'm
beginning to understand this. You coming here, regularly ... it
must be an expensive business, I mean ... time's money, isn't it?
Tracey: Oh, yes! You've got to charge - especially if you're
offering extras. It's not cheap. But believe me, it's worth every
penny, if you're interested I could probably fix something up
with .....
Me: Er ... right. So ..
how much are we talking here?
Tracey: Well, I usually give him twenty quid
Now I have to say that made me think and the end result is that I'm eating dog biscuits too. Anyway, this morning Old Fart and I went for a run in the park but on the way back along Grosvenor Place I dropped my handbag ( purse - you still there, Dave? ) and naturally of course I bent over to pick it up. Anyway, everything was fine until this interfering old bitch came out and threw a bucket of cold water over us both.
If you would like to star in one of Old Fart's films please fill in the application form
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